SHKP Club Hong Kong family survey reveals do's and don'ts for a loving family
Apathy the biggest dislike for 40% - health of family members important for 80-90%
Experts say communication key to cross-generational relationships

The SHKP Club, established 19 years ago with a membership of over 340,000 to date, conducted a Hong Kong Family Survey to investigate relationships at home, in a city where many people find it hard to communicate with those close to them as a result of the busy urban life. The survey found that for nearly 40% of Hong Kong wives, 'let's get a divorce' is the last thing they wanted to hear from their husbands. About 40% of wives and 35% of husbands disliked 'apathy' from their partners most. Respondents also said it will be most distressing if their partner stops talking to them. The survey found that health was a major concern for family members, with 80-90% of respondents saying they want family members to 'stay healthy'. Another 40% of wives and 32% of husbands got worried if their partners 'refused to see a doctor when they were ill'. Experts say understanding family members' expectations - the do's and don'ts - and improving communication were keys to building better relationships.

The SHKP Club Managing Director Winnie Tse said: "The SHKP Club is dedicated to fostering family harmony in keeping with Sun Hung Kai Properties Limited's belief in Building Homes with Heart. We conducted the Hong Kong Family Survey out of our care about family life and relationships in Hong Kong. The survey showed that 'divorce', 'apathy' and 'being unwell' were the things people least want from family members. It also found that simple phrases or actions can warm someone's heart and enhance communication. About 40% of the couples agreed that 'thanks for the hard work today' was the most heart-warming to hear and 42% of the sons and daughters said the sweetest thing their parents could do was to 'support me all the time'. Some 44% of wives said that 'carefully arrange gifts or plans on special occasions' was the sweetest thing their husbands could do. The Club aims to highlight useful ways of communicating with family for Hong Kong people and hopes they will spread the word and spirit to those around them for family harmony."

The survey involved interviews with over 500 Hong Kong residents aged 18 or above, selected by random sampling. It explored the expectations of people in the roles of husband and wife, parent and child, to help build a better society and family relationships.

Mental health important for 70% of respondents

Acts of love can be as simple as taking good care of yourself so those close to you don't have to worry about your health. Some 80-90% of the respondents wanted their family to 'stay healthy' and 60-70% wanted relatives to be 'happy and blessed'. This shows that Hong Kong people care about both physical and mental well-being. 30-40% worried if family members 'refused to see a doctor when ill' or 'paid little heed to their health'. This means that staying in good health and not causing those close to you to worry is a big part of love. Health also gives you better chance to spend a lifetime with your loved ones.

'Thanks for the hard work today' - the power of recognition and support

About 40% of the couples who responded found that the most heart-warming phrase to hear was 'thanks for your hard work today' and 42% of sons and daughters thought the sweetest thing their parents could do was to 'support me all the time'. This shows that recognition and support are important to different family members.

Moreover, recognition and praise help loved ones build self-confidence and better understand themselves, while the wish to grow together motivates personal progress and encourages the realization of goals. Anyone can add energy to their family life by praising others more.

Sweetest things - family company during illness and gifts for special occasions

Family care and concern gives a mental and spiritual boost for the sick. Some 40-50% of respondents said 'care for and comfort me when I'm ill' was most heart-warming, and 44% of wives thought 'carefully arrange gifts or plans on special occasions' was one of the sweetest things a husband could do. The survey results show that acts of love foster family affection.

Good communication better than withdrawal

The survey highlights what skills families need to communicate. When asked what they 'least want family members to do', the answer of nearly 40% of respondents classed as wives, husbands and parents was 'ignore me'. Clinical psychologist Au Yeung Nga-yee, Irene said acts of rejection (including criticism and lack of attention) are most emotionally damaging because people are instinctively defensive. People can feel they are not respected, especially if they have tried hard, which can strain relationships. This means that mutual understanding is essential in situations of conflict when people need to feel love and respect. Mutual respect enhances personal resilience and motivates growing and working within a family.

People handle opinions better if they're framed well. These are Irene's recommendations for better family understanding:

1) Praise other people's efforts sincerely and objectively before criticizing or commenting.
2) Look at the whole issue and don't generalize. Focus on facts and not the people involved.
3) Don't ignore the other person. Express your feelings after calming down.
4) Respond to an angry person in a calm voice to sooth tension.

Nearly 70% see mutual communication as essential for a happy family
Experts: Five steps for a happy family

Good communication nurtures love. Winnie Tse said: "We found that 68% of respondents think mutual communication is a must for a happy family. Understanding each other enriches family life, so we hope everyone will try to understand what their family members think and need, to work for a more loving society."

A happy family brightens everyday life. Irene suggested ways to fill other family members' 'affection banks' with positive energy:

1) Praise them daily so they feel appreciated and recognized.
2) Value what family members do for you and your family.
3) Listen to the troubles of others and understand their feelings before offering advice.
4) Take 10 to 15 minutes every evening to share anecdotes with the family, when everybody is focused.
5) Show love with gestures like holding hands or patting a shoulder to show support.

Loving Home from the Heart notebook spreads family affection

Winnie said: "The Club combined a list of do's and don'ts for a loving family based on the survey with a list of warm words from previous activities to make a Loving Home from the Heart notebook for charity sale, to encourage people to care sincerely for the people around them and lead happy lives." People who want tips for happiness or a bit of energy in life can buy notebooks on the web or at the SHKP Club office, whether for themselves or to give those close to them. Proceeds will go to the Hong Kong Family Welfare Society.

About the SHKP Club Limited

The SHKP Club was the first Hong Kong's property club for people interested in real estate when established in 1996 to strengthen two-way communication between SHKP and the community, and has grown from an initial 20,000 members to more than 340,000. Member privileges and services offered by the Club are family-oriented and members have access to diverse information on property, shopping and other topics. Additional activities like competitions, exhibitions and seminars help promote family harmony throughout Hong Kong. Anyone aged 18 or above is welcome to join for free.

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