Sun Hung Kai Properties : SHKP Club releases Hong Kong Family Survey results Blissful family life comes from communication, sharing and discussion Almost 50% of parents want children to be respectful and care for family Saying 'taking care and have a good rest' warms mothers' hearts

The SHKP Club Limited (SHKP Club) has released the results of its latest Hong Kong Family Survey to mark the International Day of Families in May. The survey was conducted in the first quarter of this year to investigate what people think are the best ways to communicate and get along with family members. It involved interviews with more than 1,000 Hong Kong residents aged 15 or above, selected by random sampling in the territory's 18 districts. The results are an overview of how husbands, wives, parents and children can effectively foster communication between family members.

The SHKP Club Managing Director Winnie Tse said: "The SHKP Club has seen membership increase to over 350,000 since it was established in 1996. It follows Sun Hung Kai Properties Limited's (SHKP) belief in Building Homes with Heart and promotes a loving home message under different themes every year, with a view to inspiring its members and the wider public to build domestic harmony with love. We conducted a Hong Kong Family Survey for the fourth year running to help people improve communication skills and enhance familial bonds by exploring the personalities, expectations and likes and dislikes of family members."

Winnie added: "The Club announced the results of the survey to mark Mother's Day and the International Day of Families. It offers tips on knowing more about the inner feelings of family members, and these are included in our Loving Home notebook to help spread family affection. Our surveys in the past three years have revealed that communication is a pre-requisite to a blissful family life. Children can show their love for parents by obeying and caring for them, while a husband should avoid losing his temper and being apathetic to his wife. We encourage everyone to express gratitude to their mother in sweet and simple ways, and it would be wonderful if married men did so to their wives."

Most touching words for mothers and wives: 'Thanks for your hard work' and 'Have a good rest'

How to warm the heart of your wife or mother? The survey revealed that 36% of wives want to hear 'Thanks for your hard work and get some rest' from their husbands. 'Take care and have a good rest' is the phrase that 44% of parents would like to hear from their children most. Experts point out that people may be able to delight a family member all day long by articulating their feelings with a simple phrase, showing that a mastery of good speaking skills can enhance understanding and relationship between family members. Conversely, speaking awfully can impair family relationship. According to the survey, almost 30% of husbands are upset when their wives say 'You're annoying' or 'How come you are so poor and incompetent?' and a quarter are saddened if their wives say 'I regret marrying you'. Moreover, 32% of wives say 'Whatever! Don't ask me; decide yourself' are the least loving words from husbands. Experts warn that a happy marriage requires effort from both partners and a couple must mind what they say and avoid denigrating their partners.

Experts tell how to express love by sharing and discussion

The survey revealed that 44% of wives and 36% of husbands believe 'sharing and discussion' is the most loving act for a couple. Wong King Lai , Social Work Consultant of Hong Kong Family Welfare Society said: "Sharing and discussing with family members are not as simple as they sound. The essence is to show respect and trust your partner, which is also of fundamental importance to getting along with him/her. We will not share or discuss anything with a person if we do not value his/her opinions and trust them. Nevertheless, respecting your partner does not necessarily mean that you have to agree with him/her under all circumstances. The most important thing is you can read his/her mind during the course of discussion. Avoid making hasty judgements and criticisms. What you have to do is listen carefully to your partner, then explain your views on the issue under discussion. A full and frank discussion enables your partner to understand the value of your opinions, while demonstrating your respect and love for him/her."

Apathy and losing temper most detrimental to marriage

More than 30% of married couples say 'giving husband/wife the cold shoulder' or 'losing temper' are the least loving acts of spouses. Wong King Lai noted that a key to controlling temper is to talk about our grievances to the right person at the right place as soon as possible. This will keep us from accumulating negative emotions during the day and resulting to an outburst of anger at home. Effective communication between family members fosters domestic harmony as well as psychological and emotional health of everyone. Keeping a positive approach to life helps motivate family members and leads them think positively.

Be a lovely parent
Children hate comparisons and over 30% can't bear being urged to marry

Some 41% of children say they would appreciate it if their parents were 'open-minded and willing to leave room for children' and almost half of parents (48%) want their children to be 'respectful and care for family'. The survey also found that children dislike being compared with other people and 30% say the least loving words from parents include 'I've told you before…(any criticism or picky comments)' and 'Do you see how smart he/she is? How about you?'

Children always yearn for freedom in a family and they hate being asked about love affairs. A total of 35% are unwilling to discuss their love affairs with parents and feel unease if parents keep urging them to get married. Moreover, 35% are averse to talking about private matters and difficulties in daily life. Experts say that the right topic can facilitate the communication between parents and children. Half of the parents and children say 'children's daily anecdotes' are the most popular topics in their families, showing that children play a major role in maintaining strong family bonds. More than 40% of respondents like talking about 'small things in daily life' with family members and over 30% are keen to discuss 'travel plans and experience with each other'.

Vivian Siu, Clinical Psychologist of Hong Kong Family Welfare Society said: "Effective communication can reduce family conflict and allow each member to realize that they are loved and respected. Parents should avoid undesirable tendencies when talking with children such as nagging, lecturing, criticizing, interrupting and bringing up past adversities. It would be great if we could put ourselves in the shoes of family members, which helps us understand each other's difficulties and appreciate the efforts of building a harmonious family."

From family well-being to social harmony

Winnie Tse said: "The Club compiled the results of the survey and warm words and stories from previous SHKP Club What is Love competition, and these are included in our Loving Home notebook for charity sale to further promote family love. We will continue introducing activities to foster family relationships and infuse more domestic love."

About the SHKP Club Limited

The SHKP Club was the first Hong Kong's property club for people interested in real estate when it was established in 1996 to strengthen two-way communication between SHKP and the community, and it has grown from an initial 20,000 members to more than 350,000. Member privileges and services offered by the Club are family-oriented and members have access to diverse information on property, shopping and other topics. Additional activities like competitions, exhibitions and seminars help promote family harmony throughout Hong Kong. Anyone aged 18 or above is welcome to join for free.

SHKP Club official website: www.shkpclub.com

Facebook: www.facebook.com/shkpclub.lovinghome2011

Weibo: www.weibo.com/shkpclub

Additional information:

1. Here is some professional advice on family communication from Hong Kong Family Welfare Society clinical psychologist Vivian Siu, after a detailed analysis of survey results:

• Listen attentively and stay focused. Letting family members know you're listening is more important than offering opinions or solutions quickly.
• Talk more about daily life and experience. Initiate conversation.
• Learn to control emotion. Do not express discontent by getting impatient, losing temper or giving cold shoulders.
• Don't make comparisons between family members and other people.
• Act on your care and express more of your appreciation of family members.

2. Notable cases from the SHKP Club What is Love competition:

Winner of the Member category: Fung Sing

Fung Sing is in his 70s and he said that despite the ups and downs of life, his family has always stood by him. His wife cooks for him every day, using mostly fruit and vegetables for his health. His idea of what makes a delicacy is different from most; a nutritious meal at dinner table surrounded by his playful children and grandchildren warm Fung Sing's heart. He painted a watercolour to express his heartfelt thanks for his loving wife with the caption 'once common home-cooked dishes are now treasured delicacies'. Mutual appreciation and gratitude are perhaps the secrets to a long-lasting marriage.

Winner of the Open category (Senior): Cheng Chi-wai

In his poem Love that Weighs Less Than a Carat, Cheng Chi-wai wrote that 'Love is what you feel when you see your mother's hair turning white' and 'when you sip the carrot and dried bok choy soup your mother cooked'. His work shows how children feel grateful of their ageing parents as they grow up, reminds us to treasure our mothers' lifetime devotion to us and encourages us not to hesitate to express our respect for them.